Perhaps I am still so far from where I'm headed to, but I feel much, much farther from where I've been. Every little detail of my life these days remind me of how the Lord has been blessing my life. Perhaps I need to sit down and just let myself be immersed in what awe I have been feeling every now and then, whenever I remember where I've come from and see where I have been taken to. I need to sit down and pour out all the gratefulness that is in my heart. And if things tend to change me someday and try to take away my appreciation, I will look back to this moment and remember that part of being blessed is being thankful. And perhaps the thankful is blessed all the more.
When I think about all these good things I feel ashamed that I can still fret about people. But some people really are disappointing at the least - aiming for the best for them by aiming for the worst for others; aiming for a different degree of relationship by aiming for a friendship in ruins. But I guess they just fade in the background as I try to correct and keep my focus. And maybe there is nothing to do but just let them be.
The more important thing I think, though, right now, is not to lose my head and myself in all this high. Being thankful and happy are things I do not want to move on from, and perhaps it is just right not to. But a part of my head must remember that there is even greater happiness that I would want to be thankful for someday, must keep track of where I am heading to, and must know that Who I've been reaching out to and my struggle to reach out to Him and put in His hands my life are still what will take me somewhere better again. Actually, the mere thought of it elates me still. I will get there. Because, like what Jon Foreman sings, my hope is not in me.
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