So this is how it feels like. There is constant stabbing through the chest and a firm grip on the heart. Every once of strength is being sucked from the fingertips. Gravity is not on my side. I want to pick myself up and start the day. But maybe it already has.

I spend an hour or so contemplating about all that I am feeling. The battles in my head are endless. Perhaps because I refuse to settle them. I start the bad mood, on the verge of blaming. And I realise it's not about the people, it's the circumstances. And I think about asking why. But all the confusion and struggle to make sense boil down to a single question ― am I of so little faith?

Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this is my chance to say. Maybe this is my chance to settle at least one thing, maybe the most important thing. Maybe I can get through. Maybe I can be certain.

I am now.