These days I've been feeling like there's a lot of catching up that I need to do with myself; like it takes more than a couple of weeks to try to pause and catch my breath and think about things the way I used to. And that's odd because life isn't exactly fast lately. Maybe it's just a little harder.
I am in no position to complain, though. Both two nights before Christmas, news on TV made me cry. Sometimes it takes tragedy to highlight blessings. But finding gratitude in pity for others seems too shaky to hold on to. There is joy in being reminded I am blessed, but I guess no contentment at all.
Contentment perhaps is past today. Or maybe it's already a different thing I'm trying to talk about. Worries about tomorrow tear apart happiness about what there is for the day. Everything just follows from faith, perhaps. It's that sunshine that doesn't need the shadow to be realised. It's what makes me stay sane even when nothing makes sense. It is a struggle, though, to stand firm while the world is in chaos.
And the world will probably be always chaotic. I don't know when I'll get to catch my breath. Life perhaps will always get harder. But it's good to know there's a God I can count on.
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