Stronger.

Summer has been teaching me a lot of things. One's that I cannot keep on shutting myself out from wrong, ugly things. I cannot just look away when circumstances I don't want to be in are right in my face nor just push what-if thoughts away. Ruling out the possibility of worse situations or loss or pain is creating a big, big lie that shall cut through when things stop being pretty. I love all the people who has been trying to shield me from what we all think I am not supposed to know or feel or go through. I know they still will. But maybe it's time I grow.

Because I want to love back. Everyone around me has always been strong for me and excluding me when there's a chance to get hurt or be lost or be disappointed. Or maybe I've been who's doing the latter. But I want to be in now. I want to be strong for people too. I want to know and do what can help. I want to listen and comfort and encourage. I want to feel to be part of something I've always been with except perhaps when things got crazy.

I look at the face of loss now. I don't want it and I refuse to welcome it. But all this is in Someone Else's hands. That I can be assured everything is part of a plan, that the words I speak have more power than what I can do puts me to bed at night. I have fears, yes. But I have greater faith. Perhaps that's all I really need.