What went wrong, I did not know. Throughout the past six days I was doing pretty much the same things. What wrong there was in that, I did not know. I did not remember if I had done anything I should regret. From the outside, everything was just usual. Which was perhaps exactly why it felt so wrong.
Because I was trying to sing but my jaw was locked. I was attempting to leap but my feet were held back. I was being told things but my head was drawing a dream. And every time I became aware I wanted to breakdown. Because I did not know what to do anymore. Because I was scared to start again. Because this had happened too often already that just letting go crossed my mind.
But would You?
Because right now it just feels fine. Like all my fears and doubts are swallowed up by something beyond my control over words. Like all weariness fades because of what is way, way bigger than the love I have for myself. And it feels shameful that it was me who felt tired.
And finally I know which happiness stays. Which feeling does not depend on people or blue skies or bright Sunday afternoons, but instead defines what thrill there is in those. Which smile stands bad weather.
It is the joy of being found.
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