This is one post I would love to replace as the recent as soon as possible. (I don't want it to be the first post people will get to read from my blog in case they're here for the first time.) I hate it when I write about negative things. But, damn, can't help it. I remember Clem talking about how we usually write because we do not exactly feel good about things. "Hindi ka naman nagsusulat 'pag masaya ka, 'di ba?" Hmm. But I do sometimes.
I feel like I should be pretty proud of myself because I got to do scholarship and school stuff this morning all by myself. Whatever. That's an achievement for someone like the tamad and kasabay-seeker that I sometimes am. (Sometimes may be omitted.) But, I don't know. I feel like I've been over my head (Na naman, Kaye?) I logged in at SYDP a while ago and I forgot to write my name. Just hooow stupid is that? I've been thinking common sense just isn't my thing. Hahaha.
The past three days have been so stressful for me. Or maybe sembreak just made me so idle and my lifestyle sedentary (as if it wasn't like that before) that I feel like I'm not anymore used to long walks that somehow define UP (at least to a no-car kid like me). Right now, I am on a wooden seat; a "wet floor" sign's a table away; I'm trying so damn hard to convince myself that beef misono can be comfort food. Nothing here is what I wanted. The moment I got in the mall, all my brain could say was "I want a couch." The thought was reiterated infinite times. But what with the tired feet clinging unto my legs, all I could do was go in the first food-serving place I could see. Of course, I passed by Mocha Blends. It took a few seconds and a lot of self encouragement for me to decide to have food and not coffee for lunch.
I went to SC at lunch time (got to the mall at around one) not to eat (I was not a bit hungry) but to go online. I somehow pitied myself. Haha. Just so you won't be confused or anything, I have no access to our PC for a reason I can't say. Everyone thinks I'm grounded but I am not. Anyway, I was trying to read all 41 messages in my mail and reply to three pages of Friendster comments (it's been eons since I last checked) when DOTA (or whatever) guys couple by couple came and filled the shop with expressions I should have known I would not only hear from Dragonball. On the bright side, I do not remember hearing anything like "Katapusan mo na!" Oh, wait, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the guys. It's just that I am what my sister calls field independent. And so I had to leave. (Run for your sanity, Kaye. Ruuun!)
I tried to chill with a glass of strawberry shake that tasted like powedered Tempra in water. Yuck. I wanted to throw it away the moment I had my first sip but there was no trash can around so I got to drink like near half of what was in the glass. Hehehe, stupid. (Word of the day: is-too-peed.) 75% of why I drank such fraction, though, is the bad feeling throwing away the whole would give me when I later think of the food I've wasted. (I give you permission to laugh.) At least I realised that the shake only tasted bad when you're already swallowing it. Hahaha. (Kaaye? Eew.) Anyway, while cursing the cold thing running down my esophagus, I burnt my skin with the afternoon sun. Ohh, I miss the sun. Sometimes I wish I didn't know it's bad for me.
Have I been writing negative? Doesn't seem much like that to you, perhaps. I would most certainly agree that I have been writing without sense. (Ulit.) Yeah, maybe it's shallow to feel bad about the day just because of not being able to go online at home or wanting to puke because of a stupid shake or not feeling so good about lala-ing under the scorching sun. I don't know how to justify what my recently shrunk brain has been producing. But why should I? I'm thinking things don't always have to be intricate; thoughts don't always have to be confusingly (or seemingly) profound. Sometimes simple, or even shallow, feels good.
Maybe I've just been tired or not looking at the bright side or too tired to do so. Maybe I've been thinking too narrowly and trying to find only what I want to. Haaay. I'm looking forward to the next blast in my life.
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