Hopeful.

I've felt this too often - tired but happy, pressured but excited, regretful but hopeful. This time I see my faults, I see where I swayed some things and people to be able to walk instead of run. I see where I lost time. I also see where I tried, where circumstances were beyond my control anyway, where I lost control because a lot was holding me down. But more than anything I feel a different spark of hope this time. For the first time disappointments actually proved that I can somehow get through, that I can get through better next time. Disappointments made a clearer picture of what I want to be better at. For the first time my hope is real on a whole new different level, the kind of hope that feels so much work and pain to get to but is right there on the tongue, the taste of it almost bursting in the mouth. And I open it, my mouth, and shout for joy, of praise, in gratitude. Amazing how the Lord so perfectly knows where to put me. I forget so many times, and I'm thankful for moments that remind me to be thankful.