You.

I guess at the end of the day, I can only say thank You. Because despite all the pain and trauma and struggles and troubles I've gone through here, I am still able to cherish all the love and happiness and beautiful relationships I have experienced and somehow built here. And I know the beautiful will weigh more than the bad, and as I go farther on it is You still Who will help me treasure that beautiful as I let go of and let fade that bad. And even now I already say thank You for all that which I anticipate and will embrace. And I speak so surely because I know Your assurance. And once again I thank You because Your assurance brings me unending hope.

What I need to ask for right now perhaps is the strength to persist when the hardship seems too strong it pulls away the hope. The promise gets me through right now, but I can find no confidence if only in myself that I will always be like this, that I will always fix my eyes on tomorrow, that I will always keep a tight grip and hold on. I wish I could, but I've learned that what I can do is pray that I will. I wish, of course, too that the way out of here is short and quick, but I've learned to embrace what path is set for me to take, short or long, if only I will walk with You.

And I ask too that in the ceIebration of Your grace even through the toughest times, I shall never be forgetful of my part, and why I have a part despite the smallness of its contribution if not completely none. This is my new confusion, and I encounter this confusion for the first time. And though confusion tends to give me some sense of worry and panic, it also makes me feel alive and excited because new confusions bring new lessons. I have never felt this kind of being alive in a while.

I can go on and on and on. I can talk about things uglier than confusion. But I will, and I pray still that I always will, end giving up everything into Your hands. And that is what I'm doing now. And that is the peace I keep in my heart - that all is in Your hands.