Getting a grip.

That feeling of not belonging. Knowing that you have disrupted a partition by not being included in a group. Or maybe you are too self sufficient from one aspect to be equivalent to one, and you know you are, or at least you can be. Because you've tried to belong but you've been spat out, not because you've tried too hard or had not, but because you are you, and the way you are yourself makes others grow bitter. And so you go your own way, reminding yourself everyday that you can't count on anybody else but Who's above you. Actually, you don't need anybody else.

That feeling of not trusting. Knowing that there is and always is pretense, no matter how nice things may seem. Trying hard not to forget not to let your guard down. Expecting only the surface and showing only your surface. Knowing that at the back of the heads of people something else might be going on and - what a joy - actually not caring at all.

That feeling of forgetting. Realising that though you might not have wandered far from the guidance that you seek, feeling that you might not also be exactly in touch with it. Missing how it's like to be lost in the presence, and thinking how everyday worries and plans might be getting too much attention that focus is lost. Trying to find the second chance in what is almost a mess, and being very sure there is one.

That feeling of having unending hope and faith. Despite all brokeness, you just might still feel good.