It's clear to me now that joy, or perhaps satisfaction, from the things we do is found not on enjoying them. Happiness is oftentimes seemingly so easy to grasp, wrongly thought to be equivalent to the fun there is in doing something. But at the end of the day, utmost pleasure comes from doing the right things.
People say wrong feels good. And it sure does. But that good feeling doesn't last. That's at least for me. Maybe it's guilt that cuts short the high. Maybe somewhere in my head the thought of deeper highs dwells. Or, uh, haunts.
Situations make wrong more wrong. With all these people struggling to make better so many important things, not doing the same becomes unacceptable. Here I am, wide-eyed at the sparks of my life when right in my face is fire. If I don't set things straight, I'll crash and burn.
Which is plain crazy. And things being crazy is crazy too. The sem hasn't even started and everything already is in perfect chaos. And I can't afford that. I can't even afford time to talk about how things are falling in the wrong places.
But maybe I can stand with everything wrong being thrown at my face, not because I stand for what's wrong, but because it's the most right thing I find in all these wrong. I'd say it all and have it all thrown back at me. What the point is, I don't know anymore. I've been losing grip of what should be and maybe hearing that will bang my head off. Which is stupid, I know. Because here I am, already saying what I should be told. My voice screams louder than what noise I try to find hope in, and I sorta say my voice's bringing me down.
Perhaps because I will always bring myself down. I will always fail to hit my own expectations. I will always try to walk straight but trip on the sides.
Because what can I dare do apart from Him?
How can I ever forget.
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