It’s almost empty now. Five old messages I refuse to delete are left. If only I could read them for so many times just so I could lose myself and forget what today is (or what happened today are), I would. And if you’d ask me what happened in the first place, I’d give you a lost look. I don’t know either. I don’t know exactly. If I collect every other moment of the day, every SMS I received, every glance made on purpose, I’d only have a blurred picture. And that makes me feel bad. Confusion tends to break things apart. I used to claim to define things when needed. “My life doesn’t need to be complicated. So does yours.” But right now setting things straight isn’t as easy. I’m torn between not wanting anyone to feel bad and wanting to spank everyone up with what’s really happening and where I stand.
To think that I’ve been looking forward to this day. Not because it’s Vee. Duh. Well, maybe. But not entirely. Would it be shallow to say that I’ve been pretty excited because we’ve been planning to go to Areneo (hehe) today? (Man, Chris Tiu’s elusive. Haha.)
It feels awkward. People blabbing like they know everything when they don’t. (Because I do. Haha, kidding.) Maybe I know the whole nine yards. Maybe I don’t. But at least I have an idea of who are what. After all, I can’t be so sure. And a no-reply only proves that. Really, I sort of want to open up. You know, just so they would know. Just so I won’t hear oh-my-g’s and stare at widened eyes when the stuff’s learned from someone else. But spilling the situation would only be pointless. Because it’s something I never wanted to entertain. Not because I don’t care or whatever (my, I’m running out of words) but because this is how I choose to deal with it. Hey, I’m just a kid.
I don’t know what’ll happen tomorrow. But I hope nothing leads to feeling awkward.
No comments:
Post a Comment