Poof.

The pictures so quickly blurred and then faded into white. What was left was forced memories of walls of green housing nothing. Maybe Rob Thomas is an egghead. What I am only certain of is the feeling. And it’s not exactly good.

I remember how I was months ago. I was uncertain of what lay ahead. I was in a way scared of what I now call present. I was unsure of how things will be for me, but not of just how things will be. I was somehow confident that things won’t change because I had control over them. Or so I thought. At one point I had a tight grip of the idea that only I could change. Now I know lifeless doesn’t mean anything at all. Things happen and it’s funny that what’s beneath is beyond comprehension. But how can that be when I was watching every detail of the big picture all the while?

I thought I’d long be gone before the frame of familiar stuff changes. Now I realise I can always go back. There’s no problem with that. What breaks my heart is the possibility of having nothing to go back to. I remember Chris Agrava and I am assured how I feel is normal. Ha. As if that changes anything.

I know exactly why. Even if I don’t, nothing about my faith and trust and hope found in His plan will change. This is something I know will eventually pass, but perhaps also one thing that will haunt me from time to time. I’ll get by. But for now, I’d like to dwell in it. Maybe just to know too much. And then I’ll be okaye.